


Light

by Whedonista93



Series: Gray Academy [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Forbidden Love, Gray Jedi, Jedi, Jedi Code (Star Wars), Original Character(s), Qui-Gon Jinn Lives, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:01:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25547110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whedonista93/pseuds/Whedonista93
Summary: Anakin was not the first Jedi of Qui-Gon's acquaintance who was too old to train.
Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Gray Academy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1851211
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**There is no emotion, there is peace.**

**There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.**

**There is no passion, there is serenity.**

**There is no chaos, there is harmony.**

**There is no death, there is the Force.**

Qui-Gon is sent on his first solo mission within a week of completing the Trials. The planet is so small and isolated that it barely shows up on his radar and has no name, but shows a strong enough Force presence that the Council deemed it worth sending an envoy. He finds a small clearing in a wooded area to put his ship down. Before he’s even fully landed, he knows the Council is right - the Force is strong here. When he opens his rear hatch, he is met by a young woman with a bright smile and brighter eyes surrounded by a mane of dark curls.

She holds a hand out. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

On instinct, he reaches out and takes her hand and the Force running through her tiny frame nearly knocks him back. He squats in front of her, never releasing her hand. “Have you, little one?”

Her nose scrunches up. “I’m not little. I’m nearly 15.”

He laughs. “My apologies, my lady. You knew I was coming, did you?”

She nods. “Either you or the dark-skinned one. I’m glad it was you. You are kinder than he would be.”

“Am I?”

She nods again. “Yes. You take me with you. He leaves me here.”

“Is here so bad?”

She glances over her shoulder. “No. But they are scared of me. They don’t understand why I know things I shouldn’t.”

He tilts his head curiously. “Like what?”

“Like when the waters rose and destroyed the village of Minu. They didn’t believe me, but then it happened. Or when Chief Tijo was going to get sick and not wake up.”

“Do you know things like that often?”

The girl nods.

“Are you the only one among your people who knows such things?”

Another nod.

“Do you know why?”

She frowns and shakes her head, sends her curls bouncing wildly. “Not yet. But you’ll teach me.”

Something in Qui-Gon falters. He has only just gained the rank of Master, and the Council will never approve of training a child so old. He fully believes that in whatever alternate version of this meeting the Force showed her, whoever ‘the dark-skinned’ one was - _Master Windu, likely,_ he thinks rather uncharitably - they definitely would have left her here.

Her frown deepens at his silence. “You will, won’t you?”

He smiles softly. “Yes, dear one, I will teach you.”

She beams at him.

“What’s your name?”

“Renda, sir.”

“I am Qui-Gon Jinn, though if I am to teach you, my title is Master.”

“Pleased to meet you, Master Qui-Gon.”

Qui-Gon’s lips curl into a small smile and he decides then and there he likes the sound of ‘Master Qui-Gon’ far better than ‘Master Jinn’ and he will use it from now on. “I will need to speak with whoever cares for you.”

She nods and tugs on their still grasped hands. He lets her lead him all the way to her little village, then through it to a small hut on the far edge. The staring villagers don’t seem to phase her. Inside the hut, Renda finally releases his hand and goes to kneel before an old woman seated in front of a cackling fire.

Renda reaches for the old woman’s hands. “Granny?”

The old woman’s head rises. “Renda, did you enjoy your walk child?”

Renda smiles. “Granny, he’s here. He’s finally come!”

The old woman’s head turns toward the door and surprisingly clear hazel eyes, a match to her granddaughter’s, narrow at him.

Qui-Gon bows slightly. “My lady.”

The old woman scoffs. “Are you sure this is the right one, Renda?”

Renda stands. “Yes, Granny.”

The old woman looks up at her granddaughter, back at Qui-Gon, then to Renda again and sighs. “Tell me, Jedi, will you take her to your Council?”

Renda’s face reflects the surprise Qui-Gon feels. “Granny! You know what’s wrong with me?”

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Qui-Gon says immediately, before turning to the old woman. “You know of the Force and never told her?”

The old woman closes her eyes. “Her grandfather was a Jedi. His ship crashed here.”

“You saved him?”

She nods. “I was so young and naive. I wanted to go back with him. He told me about his religion. How if we went back, they would take him from me. We stayed. We had a happy life and children and grandchildren and none of them ever displayed any sort of his ability…”

“Not until Renda.”

She opens her eyes and nods. “Not until Renda. And he was gone by the time she was born.” She turns to her granddaughter. “I never told you because I did not know enough to help you, child.”

Renda leans forward and wraps her arms around her grandmother’s shoulders. “It’s okay, Granny.”

The old woman looks at Qui-Gon over Renda’s head. “You will help her?”

Qui-Gon’s internal debate flares up again, but only for a moment. “I will.”

“What about your Council?”

He shakes his head. “They will never approve of it. But if you will allow it, I will teach her anyway. I can return here-”

“No.”

“No?”

“Take her with you.”

“My lady-”

She shakes her head. “I am not long for this world, Jedi. And the villagers fear her. She will not be safe here for much longer. Take her with you.”

Qui-Gon simply nods.

He takes Renda with him the next day. He tells the Council that the Force presence belonged to an old Jedi who passed on as he arrived. Out among the rest of the universe, the Force that flows through Renda blends into the world around her, and the Council never questions him.

He sets her up in his small apartment on Coruscant whenever he has to return to the Temple, and takes her with him everywhere else he has to go.

Renda’s wide-eyed wonder at the galaxy never fails to ignite a war within him. The way she views the world, and simply her existence in it, makes him question the Code in a way he hasn’t since he was a youngling. He can’t train her in the ways of the Light side, her ideals are too ingrained in everything she is. Her connection with the Force, her visions of the future, entwine her spirit into the very universe and its fate too deeply for her to be void of emotion or passion. At the same time, her tenderness and care toward all they encounter still any fear in him that she might turn to the Dark side. It should not surprise him as it does that Renda herself solves the moral dilemma.

He has to teach her to read - book learning is hardly a priority on worlds like her home planet, where they work from dawn to dusk simply to survive. She learns quickly, and once she does, she is insatiable. She quickly comes to prize knowledge above nearly all else, and devours every book she can get her hands on.

One day, she comes to him, clutching a dusty old tome to her chest. “Master Qui-Gon?”

He opens his eyes and uncrosses his legs, standing easily - she has yet to even begin to master or understand meditation - and looks down at her. “Yes, Renda?”

She bites her lip.

He gently guides her toward a chair and sits across from her. “What is it, dear one?”

She relaxes, as she always does at the endearment, and lays the book in front of him. “Are there many Gray Jedi?”

  
  


They both accept early on that she will never be more than good with a saber. She’s not bad - she can hold her own, but she will never be great - her sensitivity to the Force balances her fighting skills, takes away most of the disadvantages where she lacks skills with her saber. Meditation does not come easily to her. It’s one of the few disadvantages of how in tune she is with the Force, the focus that meditation requires is difficult, sometimes impossible. When she intentionally focuses on the Force like meditation requires - too much flows through her mind. 

Over the years, they find other Gray Jedi, including a few that they both trust enough for Renda to stay with them, let them serve as mentors, for a time. It never lasts long. They both find they are too attuned to each other to be comfortable being apart for long.

When Renda is 18, Master Windu happens to show up on Tython when Qui-Gon takes her to introduce her to the place where the first Jedi Order gathered. They flee into the city and duck into the first open business they can find. Qui-Gon curses his luck when he turns to find they’re in some kind of pleasure club. He risks a glance down at Renda and sees the color high on her cheeks and curses again. The only saving grace is that neither of them is in Jedi robes - coming to this planet was a risk, and civilian clothes draw less attention. Qui-Gon steels his nerves and tugs her toward a dark corner at the end of the bar, tucking her against the wall and trying to shield her eyes from the madness around them.

Her eyes still roam and the color in her cheeks continues to rise.

Qui-Gon sighs and leans close to whisper in her ear. “Do you remember when I told you that you should respect people’s privacy, shield yourself, not read the people around you?” He feels more than sees her nod, her hair brushing his cheek. “Just this once, forget that, because I cannot answer the questions you will have when we leave this place.”

By the time they deem it safe to leave the club, Renda’s entire face is red, but Qui-Gon is rather certain he has successfully avoided having to explain the pleasures of the flesh to his padawan. 

Renda is 19, going on 20, when Qui-Gon tells her he has nothing left to teach her.

She shrugs. “If it’s all the same, Master, I think I’ll stick with you anyway.”

He smiles down at her. “Not Master any more, dear one.”

When Renda turns 20, she gets drunk for the first and only time with a group of pilots she befriends on Hosnian Prime. She stumbles back to their ship in the middle of the night and Qui-Gon tries to pretend he hasn’t been waiting up, worried. Her knowing smirk tells him he isn’t fooling her at all. She’s surprisingly steady on her feet until she reaches his chair, then suddenly appears to trip, right into his lap and he freezes when she turns toward him. She looks him in the eye for a solid five seconds before leaning forward and brushing her lips against his. He lets her, but doesn’t respond. She pulls back a moment later and settles against his chest, asleep in a matter of minutes.

He tucks her into bed, then spends the rest of the night meditating, and contemplating just how much more of the Light side he is willing to sacrifice to the morals of the Gray Jedi. Whatever Renda sees in him the next morning makes her smile, and continue on with their lives without comment.

It takes two more months and five more planets of her continuing to kiss him, completely sober and unprompted, for him to respond. They’ve just returned to their ship from sparring in an open field somewhere in the middle of Naboo’s lake country when she spins and presses up against him, coming up on tip toe to press her lips against the corner of his mouth. His patience finally snaps and he catches her around the waist, presses her against the nearest wall, and kisses her back with everything that’s built up inside him over the last months. He nearly groans when he feels her smile against his lips as she wraps her arms around his neck and twines her fingers in his hair.

Another month and three more planets later, they find themselves on Yavin IV, and she asks him to marry her for the third time. The twinkle in her eyes tells him she already knows this is the time he says yes.

They’re married several years, their life not changing much beyond the physicality between them, when Renda starts zoning out for hours on end and finally tells him they need to go to Naboo. Within days, she has set herself up in a local politician's house, caring for his young daughter, and in the blink of an eye, they are apart more than they have been since the day they met. Surprisingly, it is easier than it was when she was in training. With their marriage, the Force built a bond between them that is something like a constant buzz at the back of their minds, an awareness of each other. A decade later, when the child she has all but raised is elected Queen of Naboo, Qui-Gon throws his head back and laughs, amused and delighted that his wife can still surprise him after all these years.


	2. Chapter 2

Renda doesn't breathe until Qui-Gon is on the ship again. She doesn't breathe easily until they're back among the stars and no one is following them. And her heart doesn't slow until several hours later when she can drag him into her small quarters without suspicion and pat him down furiously.

He chuckles down at her. "I'm fine, dear one."

She shakes her head. "He was so skilled. So _fast_."

"I'm still here."

Her hands shake where they're clenched in his robes.

He kisses her, almost roughly, then presses her against the wall, molding their bodies together, letting her feel his heartbeat against her hand and his even breaths at her temple.

She finally untenses. "Whoever he was-"

"That won't be the last we see of him."

She shudders against him and slumps, letting him hold her up. "No." She rests there for a moment before she scrunches her nose and pushes back. "You should really use the fresher."

Qui-Gon throws his head back and laughs.

She yanks him away from the wall and gently shoves him toward the fresher. "Go. I'll dig out some clean clothes."

He kisses her once more, softly, and obliges.

She's just set out a change of clothes on the small counter when a knock sounds at her door.

She opens it, already smiling. "Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan nearly gapes at the woman who opens the door. She's in the same orange gown as the rest of the queen’s attendants, but her headpiece is laying over a chair behind her, leaving her hair - so dark brown it's nearly black - falling in waves around her shoulders and down her back. The code forbids emotion, and passion, but a part of him he has long since repressed recognizes that this woman could tempt even the most devout. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts and inclines his chin. "Lady Renda?"

Hazel eyes sparkle back at him as she nods.

"Captain Panaka thought he saw Master Qui-Gon come this way. You haven't happened to see him?"

She opens the door the rest of the way as Qui-Gon steps out of the fresher, toweling his hair, his tunic still hanging loosely. "Lady Renda was kind enough to lend me the use of her fresher." He grimaces distastefully. "Sand." He grimaces again as he tugs his fingers through his hair. "MY lady, I don't suppose you-"

Renda is already holding a comb. "If you'd like a hand?"

Qui-Gon nods gratefully and settles into a nearby chair while Obi-Wan watches in mild amusement as Renda deftly brushes his hair out and pulls it back into his customary style.

Obi-Wan quirks an eyebrow. "If I didn't know better, I should think you had done that before, my lady."

Renda quirks a brow back. "Who do you think does the queen’s hair? Master Qui-Gon's is a simple matter in comparison."

Obi-Wan grins. "I imagine so. The queen is requesting a word with us before we land, Master."

  
  


"What if the Council doesn't let you train him?" Renda asks curiously, her head pillowed on Qui-Gon's chest as she idly plays with the ends of his hair.

She can hear the grin in his voice. "Then I send him with someone who will train him anyway."

She snorts. "Presumptuous ass."

He sobers. "He's powerful, Ren."

She sighs. "I know. Powerful enough to bring balance."

He shifts up and looks down at her. "The prophecy?"

She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and let's the Force envelope her mind. Her skills with a saber are good, but her connection to the Force, her almost unerring visions, she knows that's what had drawn him to her so long ago. She opens her eyes again and nods.

  
  


Renda breaks away to follow Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

"Stay with the queen!" Qui-Gon yells at her.

She shakes her head at him. "She survives this with or without me. You don't."

Qui-Gon sighs, but nods. "Don't interfere unless you have to."

Renda nods in agreement.

Qui-Gon commands Anakin to hide. Renda barely bites back both the worry and the shit-eating grin when the kid climbs into the cockpit of an X-Wing. That ship won’t stay on the ground for long.

The Sith… Renda's initial impression was right - he's _fast_ and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan can barely keep up together, then Obi-Wan gets stuck behind a forcefield and Qui-Gon is keeping up until he isn't. The Sith strikes, and hits, and Renda reaches out with the Force and yanks the Sith backward before he can drive his saber any further into Qui-Gon's gut. The Sith stumbles back and spins on her with a glare.

Renda glares back and draws her lightsaber from the back of her waistband. The curve of the handle settles comfortably against the inside of her wrist and she feels the Force surge through her as she flicks the glowing yellow saber to life. The forcefield releases and Obi-Wan surges toward the Sith's back as Renda lunges forward and the Sith meets her in the middle. Between the two of them, they hold the Sith back until Obi-Wan goes over the edge of the bridge. Renda is barely holding him back when Obi-Wan launches himself back into the bridge and runs his saber through the Sith's middle. Renda draws back and cuts his head off for good measure, and watches dispassionately as the pieces of him fall.

She all but sprints toward Qui-Gon and skids to her knees beside him. "Qui?"

Obi-Wan looks at her over his master's prone form. "You're a Jedi."

Qui-Gon’s lips quirk. "Ren. I told you that you would out yourself."

She huffs a breath. "You only thought it, actually, but I knew I would."

"The Council…"

"Can't do anything to me. Let's go get you patched up, hmmm?"

  
  


"Renda!"

Renda stops in her tracks as young Anakin descends from the X-Wing and rushes across the hanger. She catches him by the shoulders and tugs him into a tight embrace. "Anakin! Are you alright?"

The boy starts babbling about flying and shooting and Renda smiles broadly, relief rushing through her, and keeps an arm around his shoulders, listening intently as she leads him toward the throne room.


	3. Chapter 3

Yoda tilts his head curiously. "Conundrums, face we do."

"The boy is too old to train," Master Windu states matter-of-factly.

Master Mundi nods. "And then there is the matter of _who_ trained this unknown woman well enough she aided in the successful defeat of a Sith."

"I did," Qui-Gon answers calmly.

"Without the blessing of the Council," Master Windu adds coldly.

Qui-Gon stands tall. "I will not apologize. She's one of the strongest padawans I have ever had, and I have rarely seen any so in sync with the Force."

"Without her aid, Master Qui-Gon would be dead," Obi-Wan dares to interject.

Qui-Gon can practically see Master Windu fighting not to rub the bridge of his nose. "And where is she now?"

"I was checking in with the boy," Renda answers, holding up a palm sized comm and striding into the room.

Master Windu raises an eyebrow. "And you are?"

"Renda. I serve as a handmaid to Queen Amidala."

Master Mundi frowns. "And that entitles you to meddle in the affairs of the Republic?"

Renda raises an eyebrow. "It entitles me to protect my regent, who is a part of the Republic, so yes."

"The Council did not sanction your interference," Master Windu nearly growls.

Renda's smile is sharp. "I don't answer to this Council."

"You operate in our domain."

Renda scoffs. "The Republic is a free society, and the Jedi faith is just that - a faith, a religion. I serve the faith, but adhere to different doctrine. I do not answer to you."

Master Windu's jaw clenches. "But your Master does. If we could have a word with him alone."

"He's no longer my Master," Renda fires over her shoulder as she exits.

  
  


Obi-Wan follows Renda into the Hall outside the Council Chambers. She crosses the hall and perches in a window and Obi-Wan settles across from her gingerly.

"Ask," she prompts without looking away from the window.

"You said Qui-Gon is not your Master any longer, but the way you said it… it didn't sound like you simply meant you passed the Trials."

Her lips quirk. "My training was unconventional. You know Qui-Gon was granted the status of Master rather young?"

Obi-Wan nods. "He was only 24."

"He found me in the woods, with a small tribe, on a planet so small it barely exists, the same year he passed the Trials. I was already 15 and he knew the Council would never agree to training me, but he took me with him anyway. I was his shadow for nearly five years when he was anywhere but the Jedi Temple. He taught me everything he could, and told me when there was no more to teach. I stayed with him anyway."

Obi-Wan nods slowly. "For how long?"

"We're always together, in a manner of speaking," Renda answers cryptically.

Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow.

Qui-Gon steps into the hall. "She's my wife."

Obi-Wan's jaw drops.

Renda grins. "I finally convinced him to marry me when I was 20."

"But the Code…"

"Is archaic," Qui-Gon answers simply, "and imbalanced."

"What did the Council say?" Renda asks quietly, noting the tension around his eyes and in his shoulders now that he stands right above her.

"I have been stripped of my rank of Master."

Renda's eyes narrow and she bolts up and makes to storm back into the Council Chamber, but Qui-Gon catches her around the waist and buries his face in her hair, chuckling against her neck. "All is as it should be, my love. The Force will make a way." He shifts his gaze to his apprentice. "Obi-Wan, they want to see you."

Obi-Wan shakes his head. "If you are leaving, Master, so am I."

  
  


They return to Naboo.

Anakin runs to greet them, but frowns as soon as he's close. "They said no."

Qui-Gon grasps his shoulders and bends to his level. "No matter, little one. You will learn."

Anakin beams.

  
  


Padme actually hugs Renda when she enters the queen’s private office. "I'm so glad to have you back."

Renda smiles. "It's good to be back, my queen."

Padme frowns. "I heard talk of you being a Jedi and feared you would remain at the Temple."

Renda shakes her head. "I would never be welcomed there."

"Why not?"

Renda's lips quirk, but the amusement doesn't reach her eyes. "I am not a Light Jedi, your majesty. Nor am I a Dark Sith. I fall to the Gray, to the in between, to the balance. The Council does not agree with such morals."

"Is that why you serve me? Because you have nowhere else to go?"

"I serve you because I choose to. Because I believe in you. I kept my skill as a Jedi to myself for many reasons, but mostly to shield my Master."

Padme tilts her head curiously.

Renda grins wryly. "His training me could, _maybe_ , be explained and forgiven, but marrying me… well, that was a different matter altogether."

"I thought Jedi didn't…"

"Light Jedi don't."

"The Council knows about you now. Your husband?"

"Master Qui-Gon. The Council stripped him of his title and asked him to leave the Temple."

Padme scowls. "What pompous… I…" she nearly growls, then takes a deep breath, visibly collecting herself. "My apologies."

Renda chuckles. "Many may forget, my queen, but I do not discount your youth. You do not have to be perfectly poised at all times."

Padme blushes. A moment later, her eyes light up. "Are there Temples, or schools for the Gray Jedi?"

"No, my queen, we tend to be nomadic."

"Why?"

Renda shrugs. "The Light Council is the majority and they rule… harshly, at times."

"What if there could be?"


End file.
